


In the King's Court

by thenumber1riddlerfan



Category: The Sisters Grimm - Michael Buckley
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 15:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6991711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenumber1riddlerfan/pseuds/thenumber1riddlerfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If there was one thing Sabrina hated about her job, it was bringing cases to Fairie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking for poorly written and cliche Puckbrina fluff? You're in the right place. If not, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

If there was one thing Sabrina Grimm didn't like about her job as an everafter defense attorney, it was taking cases to Puck's kingdom. It wasn't just that the court system was indecipherable down there or that you couldn't carry a weapon. (You couldn't carry a weapon in most courtrooms, but most courtrooms didn't have magical detection equipment.) No, the worst thing about going to Fairie was the certainty of who would be the judge over the proceedings.

It came as no surprise then, that when Sabrina was sitting at the defense table with a pungently nervous man in a courtroom far beneath New York City, she was already in a foul mood. To be fair, her day hadn't started out so well. Ichabod Crane, an old family friend, had hired her to defend him. It was a petty charge, destruction of property, one that could probably be resolved in a day. Because of Sabrina's ties to him, she had taken the case. She found out later, that since the offense had taken place in Fairie, that was where the trial was being held. And since it was an offense against the capital, it would take place in the castle. Sabrina had half a mind to quit the case then and there, but convinced herself that such a trivial matter couldn't attract HIM.

She then got lost on her way to the courtroom (She tried hard to avoid this place) and had to ask a castle stable boy where courtroom 84B was. (Why where there over eighty-four royal courtrooms? The only cases the she had seen the king dictate were hers, and that definitely wasn't out of a sense of duty! And why did fairies have STABLES? They could turn into horses for # !*'s sake!) She endured the catcalls that followed her. The rumors that she and the king were romantically involved didn't help. Rumors that, unfortunately, were true. As she stalked toward the courtroom block on the Southeast side of the castle (Not the Southwest side like she had been thinking. The castle layout was obviously someone's idea of a joke.) her eyes scanned the royal halls. Pictures covered the walls: a forgotten ancestor, her, a family portrait, her, a map of the kingdom, her, her, her. There were so many pictures of her, it was creepy. Her getting her first bike, her riding a roller coaster, her on a date with Bradley, (Bradley was doodled extensively on.) her in bed. (She didn't want to know how he got that one)

When she finally arrived, it made sense that she was put out. Ichabod was sweating profusely, looking at the jurors like a starving man looks at vultures circling above. (The jurors, for their part, just looked bored.) Upon conversing, it became apparent that he would be of no help whatsoever. It took Ichabod twenty seconds to say "Good morning, miss Grimm" he was stuttering so badly. The only good thing that had happened so far was that she hadn't run into… A loud trumpet blare sounded from across the room. Sabrina moaned and put her head in her hands.

"All rise for the king!" one of the attendants cried. Everybody but Sabrina got up.

A handsome adult fairy strode into the room like he owned the place. (Which he did) His herald, a ridiculously short man carrying a ridiculously big book, accompanied him. Sabrina glared daggers at the former Trickster King and current king of Fairie, Puck. Puck just smirked back at her, mounting the steps to the judges chair. His herald, Wheatly Arken, (Mini Wheat behind his back, due to his diminutive stature.) tried unsuccessfully several times to climb the step to the desk of the court transcriber. He eventually gave up, and just sat on the floor giving everyone the evil eye. Wheatly was there to remind everyone of the rules of the court; the rules being that the king could do whatever he wanted.

Ever since Puck had crashed her and Bradley's wedding, Sabrina had been, unfortunately, dating the scummy troll. It wasn't all that bad really. At times Puck was genuinely sweet and positively romantic. Of course at other times he was just loud, obnoxious, and annoying. Whichever he was, Sabrina had to admit, he looked good. He had shaved his beard to reveal a face that made women weak in the knees when it smirked. Sabrina Grimm was unaffected… most of the time.

According to fairy law, the king could sit in on any case that occurred within his kingdom, as long as he acted as judge. While it was seen as a great honor it, of course, threw off the whole legal system. The kings tended to be very vocal and opinionated and none of the jurors wanted to be at odds with their opinions. And what did the king do with this great power? Did he sit in on trials that actually affected the kingdom; the reason the law was there in the first place? No, he decided he'd rather attend EVERY SINGLE CASE that Sabrina took in the fairy kingdom. That would have been fine if he actually did his job, but noooo. The king couldn't be bothered to do that. You see, fairy law says that if the king is sitting in on a trial, he could make demands of the court. It was originally intended so that evidence or a witness could be used even if the judge dismissed it, to make sure everyone got a fair trial, but the rule eventually evolved into meaning the king could do whatever he wanted with a legal prosecution. Sabrina had participated in five cases down here in Fairie, and Puck had sat in on every one of them. At first she thought he was looking out for her. Ha. In the first case, he had made a decree that everybody had to talk in a French accent for the rest of the trial. In the second, it was illegal to walk on your feet. On the third, Sabrina (and the jury) was sequestered to a snowy mountainside, where the only way for her to get warm was to share a coat with Puck. (She almost froze to death) On the fourth, well, let's just say that if Puck tried to get her to wear a bikini throughout the trial again, she didn't care if Ichabod Crane was a long lost brother! She was out of here.

Once everyone had sat down again, Wheatly, with a sense of his own importance, called out.

"The court will come to order. King Robin Puck Goodfellow has agreed to serve as judge. Prosecution, make your introduction and opening statement." A tall and handsome man stepped forward from a table sporting another tall man, not nearly as handsome. The first was lithe, graceful, and moved with a confidence most would envy, a lawyer through and through. The second was wearing an eye-patch, had numerous facial scars, and was apparently missing a hand. Go figure. The handsome one spoke.

"Your majesty, it is an honor to be in your court today. I'm Mr. Hood, and I will be prosecuting for Mr. Hook." Wheatly narrowed his eyes at him.

"I thought the Sherwood foundation closed." he said with a disapproving look. Wheatly didn't like lawyers in general.

"We did your excellence," Mr. Hood continued, "but when Mr. Hook informed us of his unfortunate circumstances, we decided to regroup." "More like how much money he can spare," thought Sabrina. Hook wasn't even paying attention; he was too busy trying to stare down Ichabod, who was trying his best to look as though he was utterly absorbed in his case notes.

"Proceed with your opening statement." Said Wheatly. It looked like Wheatly was going to do Puck's duty for him, like usual. Puck was too busy staring at the defendant's lawyer to do anything anyway.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client, Mr. Hook, is a simple business owner. He runs a lovely little bakery on Titania Avenue, perhaps you've heard of it, Uncle Hook's Bake Shop?" Sabrina snorted. Lovely wasn't the word she would use to describe Hook's shop. Children of all ages avoided and flocked to the block for that very reason. If Hook wanted more customers, he should stop making gingerbread men in various poses of death. Of course then he might lose the few customers he had.

"On the morning of June sixth, Mr. Hook was just getting ready for his day when he heard a crash from the front of the shop. He rushed through the kitchen doors to find this young man, an Ichabod Crane, chasing his dogs around the storefront. Almost every piece of furniture was destroyed. Mr. Hook and I demand restitution for the damage, as he is unable to pay it himse….."

"Where's your hook?" Puck interrupted loudly. Mr. Hood turned to find the king looking at Hook's empty right stump accusingly.

"My what?" Hook growled.

"Your hook, where is it?" Puck seemed exasperated that he had to repeat himself.

"The guards took it off me, said it could be used as a weapon." Hook grunted out.

"So can you really call yourself Mr. Hook when you're missing it?" Puck asked, genuine curiosity on his face.

"I fail to see how this applies to the tri…" Mr. Hood tried to say, before he was again rudely interrupted.

"So what can we call you, since your usual name won't do?" Puck mused, his finger on his chin. "How about Mr. Big Nose?" Hook's face and rather large nose turned red.

"I really don't think that's approp…" Mr. Hood tried to get out, before being interrupted yet again.

"The king has made a decision!" screamed Wheatly. "Don't you dare question it!" Nobody could say that Wheatly didn't take his job seriously. Sabrina just sighed. If that was the only stupid thing he did in here, it would be a miracle.

"Okay… as I was saying, Mr. H-Big Nose demands restitution for the damages, amounting to a total of ten-thousand dollars." Sabrina managed to keep herself from snorting a second time. If Hook/Big Nose's crummy tables and second-rate furniture cost ten thousand dollars, she'd marry Elvis. (The dog not the singer)

"Thank you Prosecution, you may sit down." said Wheatly. "Defense please come forward and present your introduction and opening statement." Sabrina got up, took a deep breath, and walked around the table. The glare she sent Puck's way clearly said: you try anything, and we're through.

"Puck, if you think I'm kowtowing to you with all that your majesty cr-, you've got another thing coming." Wheatly (and nearly everybody else in the courtroom) looked shocked, as though he couldn't believe someone would be that insolent to the king. Puck however, just smirked and beckoned Wheatly over. This took several minutes, as Wheatly had to drag himself up, walk over to the judge's desk, and climb up. Puck whispered something in Wheatly's ear, causing the herald momentary confusion before Puck apparently repeated his order and shooed Wheatly away.

"Miss Grimm, the king asks that you address him as, His Royal Sexiness, throughout the rest of your time in court." This time it was Sabrina's turn to look shocked.

"Why the hell would I do that?" she demanded.

"If you do not comply with the king's demands, you will be removed from court and the defendant must represent himself." Wheatly said with an almost pitying expression on his face. Sabrina looked over at Ichabod. Could he defend himself? Ichabod chose that moment to wretch into a trashcan. No. That wouldn't go over well. Sabrina's sense of duty and sense of dignity fought a fierce battle inside her. Duty won. Barely.

"Fine your royal …. Sexiness," Sabrina managed to spit out. "You know who I am, so can I get on with it?" Without waiting for an answer, she turned and addressed the jurors.

"I'll be accurate and swift because I'm in the mood for little else. Does Ichabod Crane look like the kind of man who chases dogs into bakeries? Please, he can hardly walk down the street without fainting for fear of being hit by a car. Hook's dogs on the other ha…"

"Mr. Big Nose's dogs," Puck interjected smugly.

"Do you think I give a rat's a-?!" Sabrina called loudly, which was followed by a horrified gasp from Wheatly.

"Such disrespect Grimm, What are we going to do about that?" Puck asked, mock severity all over his face.

"What are you going to do about it?" Sabrina challenged. In retrospect, that was probably one of the worst ways to reply to the Trickster King.

"Guards," Puck called. A half a dozen fairy guardsmen materialized out of nowhere. "This upstart has offended the royal line, arrest her." drawled Puck.

"Is this a joke you troll?!" called Sabrina, as two of the guards grabbed her hands and forced a pair of handcuffs on. (Even with all their magical devices, the fairy police force still used handcuffs)

"No joke Grimm. We take disrespect very seriously down here." Mr. Hood and Mr. Big Nose began to celebrate an assured victory. The guards started to drag Sabrina away.

"Wait, we can deal with her later. We have a trial to finish right now, and I have a feeling that the defendant will need his attorney." Puck looked appraisingly at Ichabod, who was slumped over the table in a dead faint. The threat of being left lawyerless must have been too much for him. The guards reluctantly backed off.

"Can you remove these?" Sabrina asked as scathingly as she could, gesturing towards the handcuffs. Puck ignored her. "Puck! Puck!" Puck still didn't respond. "Puc…. your royal sexiness, will you remove these?!" Puck grinned.

"No."

"What am I supposed to do about him?" Sabrina demanded, pointing at the still unconscious Ichabod.

"Your Problem, not mine." replied Puck with a yawn. Wheatly, probably trying to regain an illusion of order, called out.

"Prosecution, present your first witness."

Mr. Hood, seemingly disappointed that Sabrina hadn't been carted off, stepped forward. "Your highness, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I would like permission to call the citizen known as the Gingerbreadman, to the stand."

"Permission granted." said Puck. The doors at the far end of the courtroom opened, and a little brown man walked in. He was only about three inches high, and had several bite marks in him. The court watched in silence during the ten minutes or so it took him to walk across the floor and somehow swing himself up onto the witness chair. (He was pretty mobile for a cookie) Once there of course, he was difficult to see.

"Mr. Ginger, could you recount what happened that morning of June sixth, outside Mr. H-Big Nose's bakery?"

"That's Mr. Gingerbreadman to you, you brown-noser! And yeah, I saw what happened. This stick-like idiotic fool was running around the death shop. I heard a bunch of barking too, but I was too busy setting up my sign to pay real close attention."

"Well Mr. Gingerbreadman, what do you think was happening?" Mr. Hood asked.

"I thought it was just business as usual for old, Big Nose you say? Wish I'd thought of that. Have you seen what he does in there?" Mr. Hood frowned, as though that wasn't the answer he wanted.

"No more questions, your Highness," he said.

"Does the defense wish to cross-examine the witness?" Wheatly called out for the king. Puck was too busy looking at the witness and licking his lips.

"Yes, we do," replied Sabrina. "Mr. ahhh Cookie-thing, what do you mean when you say that Mr. Big Nose's store was a death shop? What does he do in there?"

"You don't see it?" he whispered in a horrified voice. "The evil man kills them! Hundreds of them! He chops off their heads and dismembers their bodies and puts it all in his display window!"

"….. You mean the gingerbread men?" Mr. Hood asked weakly.

"It's horrible, so horrible!" The court could hear sobbing coming from behind the railing around the witness chair. Eventually the Gingerbread man had to be carried out, as he was crying too hard to hear Wheatly's commands. Mr. Hood sat down looking suitable chastened.

"Would the defense like to call a witness?" Wheatly asked in a tired voice.

"Your royal…. sexiness, we would like permission to call Humpty Dumpty to the stands." Puck once again beckoned Wheatly over. He whispered something in his ear and Wheatly just sighed.

"Miss Grimm, our king has decreed as a you are currently under arrest, you don't have the right to call a witness. However, the king in his mercy has agreed to grant you that power in exchange for a boon."

"And what boon might that be?" Sabrina asked dreading the answer.

"The king requests that you sit on his lap for the rest of the trial."….. It took a moment. Then, …..

"What?"

"The king wishes that you would sit on his lap." Wheatly repeated.

"And what, pray tell, would the his royal sexiness do if I refused?" Sabrina asked with barely contained rage.

"The trial would effectively be over, since your inability to call a witness leaves us at a standstill. You would be taken into custody at that point. You would then spend the next two to four weeks in the royal dungeons awaiting your own trial." Sabrina tried to wrap her head around the horrifying situation she was in. Two to four weeks in a dungeon where Puck could come and mock her whenever he wanted? And after that another trial, probably extra crazy, just for her. Or, she could lose her self-esteem right here and now.

After a few moments of indecision Sabrina, with as much dignity as she could muster, got up, crossed the room to the judge's desk, and climbed into Puck's lap. She told herself she was only doing this to avoid further humiliation in the future, and there was NOT a part of her that actually wanted to. Everybody either openly stared, or averted their eyes. Sabrina sat on Puck's knees; as far away as she could get while still technically fulfilling what was asked of her. Puck, grinning like an idiot, must have had a problem with this, because he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her up against his chest. Sabrina let out a surprised "Eeep!" Puck also grabbed the chain of her handcuffs and pulled it over his head.

"You're a prisoner," he whispered in her ear. "I have to make sure you don't escape." Sabrina didn't respond. She was struggling with the unwanted feelings his breath on her ear gave her.

"Can I call the witness now?" Sabrina asked with all the sarcasm she could at the moment. Puck shrugged his shoulders, seemingly content to let her do what she wanted, as long as he could keep nuzzling her neck.

"Humpty Dumpty to the stands!" Wheatly called in a voice that tried to convince everyone this was civilized rule of law. A large ovoid shape waddled down the isle to the witness stand. The creature looked like a wreck, like a massive hand had crushed the unfortunate chicken byproduct and then tried to straighten it out. Wheatly was whimpering something about yolk on the carpets.

"Mr. Dumpty," Sabrina began, trying desperately to sound like she was down there on the floor and this was just another case instead of a kangaroo court where she was forced to let the judge molest her. "Perhaps you could tell the court what you saw on the morning in question?" When Humpty spoke; the entire court winced. God, even his voice was cracked.

"Well I was walking back to the job site; I'm in the construction business you know, and I saw this abnormally skinny fellow being chased into a store by a pack of dogs! There was this high pitched screaming. So high in fact, that I thought it couldn't be human, but it seemed to be emanating from the man previously ment…"

"I have a new decree!" Puck interjected. Wheatly seemed to be having a seizure.

"I declare it national beach day. Men, take off your shirts," and with that, Puck pulled Sabrina's hands back over his head, and pulled his shirt off. Sabrina gaped at his audacity. (And maybe a little at what his recent loss of clothing revealed.)

"I suppose you are going to try to put me in a bikini again?" Sabrina hissed, as all around her, male everafters looked around self-consciously before removing their shirts.

"Are you volunteering?" Puck looked pleased with himself, Sabrina looked like she wanted to strangle a certain fairy, Wheatly looked like he wanted to cry.

"Aw, cheer up Grimm! You haven't even seen the best part!" Puck laughed as he clapped his hands. A sputtering sound came from above their heads. Sabrina had just enough time to look up and wonder who had installed a spigot in the ceiling above the judge's throne.

"PUCK, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Sabrina screamed as she swept wet hair from her eyes, only to find Puck wasn't looking at her eyes. He was looking slightly…. down. Sabrina looked down too, and decided today was the worst possible day she could have worn a white blouse. "YOU PERVERT!" Sabrina yelled, even more blood rushing toward her cheeks. She wasn't the only one angry with the king. Over at the prosecution table, Hook/Big Nose was shedding his coat, muttering about flying men-boys who dress in green too much.

And suddenly, Puck wasn't looking at Sabrina's chest anymore. "What did you say?" he whispered, staring at Hook. Mr. Hood leapt to his client's defense.

"He didn't say anything, your highness. He simply …" Puck's face was now the red one.

"GET OUT!" Puck yelled. A dozen fairy guards appeared around the former Mr. Hook and Mr. Hood.

"But, what about the trial?"

"YOU LOSE!" With much pulling and prodding, the protesting prosecutors were led out of the courtroom. Ichabod looked around at the half-naked men, the traumatized jurors, and the fainted Wheatly and burst into tears of joy. Sabrina just put her face in her hands, grateful that it was over. When she looked up, however, Puck's face was centimeters from her own.

"You're still a criminal, Grimm." Puck said in a low voice. " I'll give you a choice. You can go to jail for a couple of days, or you can give me a kiss." Guess which one she chose. "Next time Grimm, remember how we do thing's in the king's court." 

Oh, she would.


	2. Chapter 2

Sabrina Grimm stalked down the corridor, a steady stream of profanity issuing from her mouth. The guards who lined either side of the hallway watched with fascination, momentarily forgetting their duty, as she stomped toward the royal throne room. Approaching the door at the end, she glanced behind her to see twenty-four sets of eyes staring. "What the ! #$% are you looking at?!" Quickly, all of the guards averted their eyes. Muttering something about the uselessness of all fairies, Sabrina burst through the door.

The throne room was spacious, with columns on either side. Polished gold gilded most of the structures. A tall throne stood at the end of the room, towering over everything else. Unfortunately the place's grandeur was somewhat diminished by the pile of socks and pizza boxes surrounding the large chair.

As Sabrina marched toward the figure lounging on the throne, her eyes scanned the photos between the columns. There were plenty of photos of her throughout the castle, (She took as many down as she could when she came here) but these reached a new scale of infuriating. One showed her trying to hand-walk across the floor; (She seemed about to tip over) another showed her knee-deep in snow and looking as though she was going to pass out. (Surprisingly better than the alternative.) In the place of honor: a photo of her sitting on a certain fairy's lap, with her arms around his neck. (Which was totally taken out of context.)

The adult fairy seated across the cushioned arms of the throne didn't even look up as she neared the chair, too immersed in his DS system to notice.

"Puck," Sabrina growled. The fairy glanced up from the world of pixilated light.

"Grimm, did you come to visit me?" Puck asked with a smirk on his face, as a celebratory sound came from the device.

"Puck, you know damn well why I'm here." Sabrina seethed, trying her hardest not to reach across and strangle the king of Fairie.

"Of course I do, Grimm. Couldn't wait for your next case, huh? Don't worry, you can sit on my lap whenever you want. I mean, even I find myself irresistible at times."

"I'm talking about Basil, you troll!" Puck's face took on an expression of mock sorrow.

"Oh, such a tragedy, a boy as young as him, running with the wrong crowd. Jail time at such a young age. I don't think I was ever jailed at thirteen, though that's not for lack of attempts. I would be proud if it wasn't my responsibility to punish criminals."

"First of all, Basil's fifteen." Sabrina gritted out.

"Really?"

"Second of all, you had better let him out right now!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that Grimm. He was arrested on some very serious charges; possession of a deadly weapon and attempted bodily harm, if not murder."

"You arrested him and his friends for playing with squirtguns in the park!" Sabrina's face was livid.

"I'm afraid super soakers qualify as deadly weapons," Puck grinned down at her. "and the fact that he and his accomplices were firing everywhere, hitting both themselves and civilians just worsens the charges. They even hit a couple of my guards when we tried to take them in! You're lucky I don't tag on assaulting an officer!"

"Basil's friends are normal, they don't even know magic exists! You can't arrest them!"

"Unfortunately, You're right. I released them, after using forgetful dust of course. Your brother, however, knows all about fairy law. I couldn't let him go, even if I wanted to. I'm afraid he'll stay where he is until his trial, or until someone posts his bail."

"I'm not giving you a cent, fairy freak!" The spasms in Sabrina's arms signified that they were being held back with extreme willpower.

"Fine by me, Grimm." Puck smirked again at her before settling back in his throne, eyes returning to the embodiment of electronic joy.

"YOU…YOU….ARRGH! HOW MUCH IS BAIL?!" (Extensive profanity deleted from previous sentence.)

"Five Million dollars." Puck said casually, ignoring the long list of unflattering titles he was given in response.

"I…I don't have that kind of money!"

"Well, it looks like little Basil is going to be in my care for a good while longer, doesn't it?"

"PUCK!" Equal parts rage and shock inhabited Sabrina's shout. (And though she was loathe to admit it, there was some hurt and an imperceptible amount of pleading contained in it as well.)

"Fine. I'll go against every law of my kingdom, and let Basil out. I'll even drop the charges, if you do something for me, that is."

"I am not sitting on your lap again!" Hissed Sabrina.

"You're not in the best position to be saying things like that, Grimm, especially considering how I control your brother's fate. But, I'll give you that. I won't make you have any physical contact with me, okay?"

Sabrina thought about it for a moment. It wasn't as though she had a choice, not if she wanted to get Basil back home. "Fine." she managed to get out.

Puck clapped his hands, and Wheatly Arken, his puny herald stumbled in with a box twice the size of him on his back. Setting the box down near Sabrina, Wheatly proceeded to open it, and then hurried from the room as fast as he could.

"Okay, Grimm! Get dressed!" Sabrina barely registered Puck's voice. She was too busy staring at the contents of the box. Outfits. Most of them highly indecent outfits. "Yes, all you have got to do is try on clothes. Girls like that, right?"

Sabrina looked up at him. "Puck, there is no way I am putting any of these on." If anyone besides Puck had heard her voice, they would swear she was about to commit murder.

"Well, that isn't exactly an option anymore, is it Grimm?" Puck grinned down at her, gesturing with his hand toward a door nestled between the pillars to what Sabrina assumed was a closet. "Get busy."

 

The next half half-hour was permanently blocked from Sabrina's memory. She knew that Puck had made her try on every single outfit, but thankfully couldn't recall any of it. Her memory resumed just as Puck looked upon the last wardrobe malfunction. He was grinning to himself again.

"I think that one may be my favorite, although I did like the nurse one." Puck mused.

"Where…is…Basil?" Sabrina was once again trying very hard not to join him in prison.

"He's down in the dungeons. Number seven. By the way, Grimm, I think I might make you dress like that for all of your cases."

"You won't, not if you value having two lungs!" snarled Sabrina. "Now can I have my clothes back?!"

"What do you think?" Puck grinned.

 

Once again, waves of profanity washed over the already traumatized guards as a very pissed off maid made her way down the hall. A few of the slower ones found the sight more interesting than the areas they were supposed to be watching, but when greeted with the eyes embodying pure rage, they turned pack to their respective positions as though they were the most interesting things in the world. When the maid reached the other end of the corridor, she slammed the door so hard that most thought it would shatter. They all openly stared at the place where she disappeared. "Told you." one guard said, his hand outstretched as a second one looked for his wallet.

 

Basil Grimm heard the turning of a key in the lock and squinted as light burst in the room. An incredibly small fairy was holding the cell door open as a maid rushed toward him and grabbed his forearms.

"Basil, are you alright?!"

"Sabrina?" Basil stared at the figure. "Why are you dressed like that?" His sister's fingers tightened painfully. "On second thought, it doesn't matter. Let's go! The movie ended fifteen minutes ago."

There was a silence. "What…movie?" Sabrina asked in a deceptively calm voice.

"Puck asked me in the park if I wanted to see the new Bloodslayer movie in a real dungeon. I told him I had to be getting home, but he told me you would come pick me up before too long." Sabrina's grip was starting to make Basil's arms go numb.

"Sabrina?"

"THAT BASTARD!"


	3. Chapter 3

Basil Grimm had always known that he was the most mercenary of the Grimm clan. Don't get the wrong idea, he loved all of his family beyond reason, and would never do anything that would seriously harm or humiliate any of them, or any of the things they truly cared about. It was miniscule things, things nobody with common sense would blame him for, that Basil could consider himself buyable on. For example, Uncle Jake wanted to borrow Dad's car without him knowing, and had the misfortune of Basil seeing him in the garage? Fifty bucks, and as far as Basil knew, Uncle J was in Ethiopia looking for some artifact or another.

Of course, silence wasn't the only luxury item in the great big market of Basildom. Mom didn't want Dad to know she crept downstairs to watch the rest of a certain reality show? Luckily for her, Basil had been doing homework late that night and knew for a fact that nobody had touched the T.V. The new ten-dollar bill in Basil's wallet was just a coincidence. Red couldn't stand Uncle Jake with shoulder-length hair? Twenty bucks? Where were the scissors? Daphne wanted to sneak away from a party to make out with her new boyfriend? For twenty-five bucks, no one caused a scene like the youngest Grimm sibling. Mom lying awake at night, wondering how to tell Dad she had dented his prize convertible? Seventy-five smackeroos and one bloated story about Basil's baseball inexplicably flying out of his hands at a funny angle later, and they could all sleep soundly.

That's why, when Puck asked Basil to help him get Sabrina to visit him, (As when she had a busy schedule, that week's date night was usually put on hold.) he had simply asked, what was in it for him? Turns out, what was in it for him was five hundred dollars and a fairy guardsmen spear. Really sis, what would you have done?

And besides, Basil liked Puck, far more so than any of Sabrina's previous boyfriends. Not only was he fun, but he also had great taste in gifts. Back when Sabrina was still dating Bradley the bore, he had given Basil a book on lexicology for his birthday. This year, Puck had given him a thousand dollars and the chance to be king for a day. You do the math.

And so, one fine summer afternoon, Basil and some of his closest friends had been playing with squirt guns in the park, when fairy guardsmen had swooped in and arrested them on trumped up charges of gang violence within Fairie borders, possession of deadly weapons, etc. While Basil had felt slightly guilty at the shocked looks on his friends' faces, as their eyes glazed over from forgetful dust, he managed to get over it. He also promised himself to treat them to all the junk food they could eat next weekend. After all, Basil was going to be five hundred dollars richer, and they had played an invaluable part in securing it. Basil alone getting arrested by Puck? Very suspicious. Basil getting arrested while hanging with his normal friends? Golden.

Afterwards, as he watched the new Bloodslayer movie deep within the dungeons of the Fairie castle, (It was just as bad as the previous ones. It could almost be considered torture.) Basil pondered on what he was going to tell his sister. A fairy guardsman, standing outside his cell, had told him that as soon as he had been nabbed, Mom and Dad had called Sabrina, telling her to "get her psychotic boyfriend to let your brother go!" It would only be a matter of time now.

Sure enough, eventually the door opened and maid Sabrina bolted in. (Man, Puck had weird taste.) Basil was momentarily floored by her state of dress, as he had not been informed about that part of the plan, (Now, would it have affected his decision to help? …. Probably not. Come to think of it, would he have even wanted to know?) and even made the amateur mistake of asking about it. Sabrina's grip was a reminder to not catch the stupid again any time soon.

He also mentioned the movie, although that part was actually in the plan, as it proved that Puck hadn't really intended to imprison Basil, (After all, neither Puck nor Basil wanted Sabrina to end the relationship.) and gave Basil an excuse to say that he hadn't known about Puck's plan and what was happening far above; he had just come to watch a movie. (That would be the hardest part, probably. Someone voluntarily watching a Bloodslayer movie? Right.) Basil felt no guilt at throwing Puck under the bus like that, as A: everything that cast blame towards Puck took attention away from himself, B: Puck deserved it for messing with Basil's sister, (Buyable or not, Basil was still a Grimm.) and C: The whole thing had genuinely been Puck's plan. All Basil had done was shown up at Central Park, fired off some water guns, let sh*t happen, collect five hundred dollars and cool spear, and go home. Puck was the true mastermind. Besides, five hundred dollars wasn't nearly enough for Basil to willingly direct his oldest sister's anger toward himself.

And so, there were happy endings all around, as far as Basil was concerned. Sabrina got to be pissed at Puck, (Hardly a new development. Puck would most likely do something incredibly sweet in apology, and they'd be back to normal in a week, tops.) Puck was still reliving the genius of his plan and the magnificence of its outcome, (he had new pictures!) and Basil was a good sight richer. Everybody wins.

At least, that was what Basil thought until he came home after school the next day to find Sabrina standing there with a terrifying smile on her face. She proceeded to ask Basil how he had become five hundred dollars richer when just a few days ago, he had been asking her for a loan.

Now Basil had been caught a few times when doing things and telling little white lies for his "side business." He now had the same choice as he had then. Option A: lie and try to come up with a story, (to pacify one of the greatest deductive minds in the country, and possibly the world,) or option B: confess and throw himself upon the altar of mercy. (Sabrina's altar of mercy. …. Damn.) After a long internal debate, Basil sagely decided to go with option B: spill his guts like no tomorrow. Sabrina then did the one thing Basil never expected; she offered him a deal. If he would help her get Puck back for this latest indignity, she promised to reconsider her vow to make sure he would never reproduce. Basil considered it the easiest deal he ever made.


End file.
